Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
