Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
