You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
