Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
