Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
