Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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