im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
