She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
