Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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