sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
