my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
