i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
