I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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