I hope mine doesn't look like that
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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