He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
