literally had 100 drinks last night.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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