that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
