The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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