Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
