You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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