why didn't you poke me back
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
