i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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