Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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