I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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