Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
