He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
