Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
