Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
