I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
as a side note pls kill me
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
