remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
