i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
