What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i will never coherently bang her
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
