I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
