i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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