Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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