Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
