When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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