I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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