So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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