How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
