So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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