So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
