Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
