Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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