Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
