I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
