The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
