I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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