Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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