Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
