I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
