I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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