I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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