i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You pole danced in your parka.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
