She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
sex in a hospital.. check
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
